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“Right! That’s it! You’re all going to school!”

Ways to recover in home education when you’re in a rut

So we’re on a biannual school threatening at the moment, and have been for the last four years. I’ll start by saying that I love the freedom and lifestyle of home ed. I love that the kids are generally relaxed and have some autonomy over their own learning and lives. And, deep down, I know my 10yr old is not made for school (or, more accurately, school isn’t made for him).

But this shit is HARD. It’s hard being solely responsible for their education. I’m constantly researching workshops and resources, only to end up battling to get the kids on board with them. And whereas their successes feel amazing, the buck ultimately stops with me. So if the they get stuck, if they stumble, I feel it deeply. Like I’ve failed them. It sometimes feels like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster- the kids are the cart, sweeping me around in all bloody directions, and home ed is the restraining harness that wont let me get off!

If that wasn’t enough, I’m also their conduit to the outside world. For five years, their social life has been filtered through me. Them having friends has been reliant on me organising playdates (urgh, hate that word!) and social clubs. All this is usually taken care of by school. My daughter (who went all the way through school, bar one year) just had to turn up to school and friendships just happened. I had to do bot all.

I can deal with all this, I ENJOY most of this. Sitting in parks with friends and thinking up projects, love it. But the undercurrent running throughtout it all, is that it’s been almost impossible to find the head space to just be me. I know this isnt a new complaint. Most parents, whether their kids are in school or not, have felt this at one time or another. With home ed, time spent with the kids is greater and more concentrated, which can just magnify this feeling.

But hey, it’s not all bad news. Like I said, I plan to put the kids back in school about twice a year- we have school applications in as we speak- but we always manage to pull it back. Here’s some strategies you might want to use if you’re not ready to give up on home ed just yet.

Get a couple of hours child free time

Easier said than done, right? If you’re burnt out, treat it as a matter of urgency. You’re resourceful, you can do it! Pay a childminder, if you have the money. Do a childcare swap with a friend who also desperately needs a break. Trust me- they are out there! If you have family around, ask or bribe them into helping you. Book the kids onto a drop club/workshop/forest school. Again, if money is an issue, look out of cheap/free community groups or youth clubs. If all that fails, get up at 5am. Not everyday, that would be crazy. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and a quiet house on a morning can be quite rejuvenating…or so I’ve heard.

Drop Everything!

Ok, drop as much as you can. Don’t lose your job or anything. If you’re totally drowning in home ed groups, workbooks, and/or housework, just stop. For at least a week. Buy ready meals and frozen veg to cut down on cooking. Apologise and just don’t turn up to all those things that are hard work, far away, or non urgent. If I had a pound for the amount of times I’ve had to drag the kids out in the cold, to go on three buses to workshop, and then had to aimlessly follow a toddler around the the building for two hours, I’d have enough money to buy… that dragon scarf I’ve had my eye on. Don’t ask. Instead, gather a friend or two and sit in a park. Go for an unhurried walk around a forest or beach or whatever’s closest to you. Pack biscuits. Let the kids get mucky. When you’re struggling, getting outside can feel like a pointless mountain to climb, but everyone almost always feels better after some fresh air. If the thought of letting all the mess build up over a week scares the crap out of you, then why not try 10 minute tidy ups? Set a timer and challenge yourself and the kids to tidy up as fast as you can in ten minutes. If you meet resistance, try biscuit/playstation bribery. I find it helps if you give everyone a job or area before you start the timer. Otherwise, you just get everyone moping around going “But I don’t know what to do!”. Because kids have mess blindness, apparently.

Talk to home ed positive people

Most of us have a particular person in our lives that think our kids should be in school. That they’ll never be able to deal with real life if they’re not belittled on a daily basis. Eye roll. Yeah, might be best to give that person a wide berth while you try to get your home ed mojo back. Instead, find that parent who is well down the rabbit hole. The one who is on a home education “journey”. The one who’s family is living their best life as facilitators of autonomous worldschoolers. Find them and let their enthusiasm infect you, until you blister with new hope and direction. Sounds painful? It probably will be. But this is all for the greater good.

Do something that progresses you as person

Even if it’s just an hour a week. How do you get a free hour in the week? Well that’s what Despicable Me 3 was made for, as far as I’m concerned. And don’t worry, if the kids watch one film a week (or even one a day, shock horror!) while you ignore them, they won’t die. I’ve tested this theory on many occasions. Most of us have that one thing we used to enjoy doing, or would like to learn. So just spend that time painting, or coding, or writing a blog (ahem), or perfecting your cartwheels. Whatever works for you. Just try and resist the temptation to stare at your phone during this time. You’ll regret it. More than you regret buying Despicable Me 3.

Put the application in

I know not everyone is known to the LEA, and most would like to keep it that way. But if you’re already on their radar, it might not hurt to research some local schools and send off an application. They take at least a month to process- we’re on month three waiting for an in year application. Nothing is set in stone. If you get a place (and that’s a big “if”), you can decline it. In my experience, going through the process and making it “real”, is enough to give my head a shake. Saying that, if you have had less than favourable dealings with the LEA, or social services, or have had an EHCP in place, then please ignore this advice. I wouldn’t want to possibly make things more difficult for people who are already trying to navigate an unforgiving system!

But you know what? Having said all this, the majority of children would be ok in school. If you’ve tried everything and still think it would be better for your family to send them to school, then do it. If it’s just something you need to do, please don’t feel guilty. Home educators have to find their own support, their own network. Speaking from experience, you don’t get any help after deregistering your child from school. Not even a list of contacts. Like I said, this shit is hard. And it can feel impossible for some people. Nothing has to be forever. Not school and definitely not home education. Just take it as it comes and be kind to yourself.

35 Things

This isn’t strictly a home ed post, but with it it being national Random Acts of Kindness Day, I’m feeling nostalgic. And we did learn a lot from doing this.

So In July last year, I found myself two weeks away from turning 35 years old. It’s not a particularly significant age, but, for one reason or another, it broke my brain a bit. I was at least half way through my life (and that’s an optimistic estimate) and didn’t feel like I’d made any impact on the world. Ok, I’d had four kids, and children are the future, blah blah blah. But this was all about me and the self indulgent pity party I was throwing myself.

Some where in all this, I decided I would complete 35 kind things before my birthday. And I did. In two weeks. Believe me, it was easier said than done. The warm fuzzy feeling I was expecting to be awash with, only materialized occasionally. With the sheer number of things I had to do, I felt like I was giving a pound of flesh on some days, and just generally anxious the rest of the time. I’m so glad I did it though, and this is what I learnt about giving-

Pick one thing. You can’t save everything and everyone in the world. Pick the thing that resonates most with you and throw yourself into making it better. If everyone did that, nothing would need saving.
If you see someone trying, cheer them on. It made all the difference to me to have a lovely group of supporters, both in real life and online, to keep me motivated.
Thirty-five isn’t that old. Haha.

So here are the 35 Things…

**Gave blood, it didn’t hurt and I got biscuits.**

**Made a bird feeder and hung it in the clough.**

**Bought this book, all royalties from the sale of the book will be donated to non-profit organisations affiliated with the March.**

**Picked up a bin bag full of litter from the clough**.

**Collected my birthday doughnut and gave it to a homeless guy.**

**Fed a lonely looking pony. He tried to eat my fingers.**

**Subscribed to The Big House’s newsletter.**

**Planted wildflower seeds in the clough.**

**Tipped my window cleaner (not my actual window cleaner in the photo).**

**Signed up to Goodgym. It’s where you run to to do jobs for people who need help, or get involved in community projects. If the Rochdale one takes off, I absolutely promise to do it!**

**Pledged £1 per month to the Alzheimer’s society. It’s not a lot, but it was more than I was giving before.**

**Dropped some stuff off at this RSPCA charity shop. No, I don’t know who that bloke is. Maybe he’s the bouncer.**

**Donated a few items to the food bank, and although I’m sad that they have to exist, I was happy to see the box overflowing. Well done, Middleton Tesco**.

**Added some names to the Cancer Research memory tree.**

**Attended a talk on forgiveness, given by the mother of a victim of the Manchester** **Arena bombing.**

**Went vegan for a day. You can’t tell, but this coffee has coconut milk in it.**

**Sponsored a friend on a charity walk.**

**A toothbrush needed replacing, so I bought some bamboo toothbrushes. They’re biodegradable and can go in your garden waste bin when you’re done with it.**

**Chatted with a stranger on the street for about half an hour. He said people call him Freddy Krueger (hence the picture)**

**Donated socks to the Booth Centre, who pass them on to homeless people**.

**Made an eco brick. If everyone was forced to make these, I guarantee there’d be no more plastic in shops. Because they’re a right fuck on**.

**Donated my hair to The Little Princess Trust.**

**Released a book into the wild. Bookcrossing.com**

**Baked cakes to raise money for Macmillan cancer support. I sent the lads door to door on our road. They’re cuter than me, so got more sales lol!**

**Contributed to this exhibition marking 200 years since the Peterloo protests.**

NUMBER 35!! The last one is to have brought all the kids along for the ride. They’ve watched, helped, suggested, and cheered me on.
Hopefully teaching the next generation about making the world a kinder place.

The Telescope Project

I love project based learning. There, I said it. Workbooks bore me to tears, and the kids aren’t too fond of them either. I will admit that our projects sometimes don’t have an end goal, we just see where they take us. Why learn about basic algebra from a book, when you can use it to calculate your average speed when running across a field? And are you faster than the cat, running away from a rustling bag? If not, why not? What does the cat have that you don’t? Should you look into the biology of the cat, or just eat a whole load of cat food and hope for the best? Let’s write a story about a person with cat legs. Etc.

You can read into cross curricular, project based learning from people who know what they’re talking about here and here. Here is our project on telescopes to look at in the mean time.

This was a board game about the the life of Galileo printed from Twinkl

Learned about reflecting and refracting telescopes and used mirrors to reflect a light beam on a map

Used some worksheets and a protractor to measure angles, then recreated them with the light beam. We played a game to help remember angle names, acute, obtuse, etc. When I called out the angle name, the kids had to make that angle with their body, lots of fun!

Visited the huge Lovell radio telescope at Jodrell Bank.

Learned about the electromagnetic spectrum and looked at the difference between radio and light images.

Intended to make star shaped lemon biscuits, but got carried away!

Looking at different aliens from books and movies and junk modelling our own.

Working on a descriptive poem, inspired by alien junk modelling.

Learning about Van Gogh and talking about how the night sky would’ve have look very different when he was alive, due to lack of light pollution.
Painting our own night sky pictures with acrylics.

Reluctant writers and what to do with them

Ok, so I have a few home ed kids. One of them, 14yr, has been writing a novel for a year and a half. He loves writing and finds it easy. I myself was the type of odd kid who wrote poems and stories in my spare time, just for the fun of it. My 10 year old, however, hates writing. Any type of writing. He can do it, but it doesn’t come easy to him. He loves drawing, has taught himself guitar, and picks up mathematic concepts quite easily, but writing has always been a sticking point. I’m ashamed to say that we were a couple of years into home ed before I twigged what the problem was. Problems- there were a few. First off, school trauma. A combination of hearing problems, massive upheaval (we had just moved to a new city), and anxiety, just made the 18 months he spent in school a living nightmare. I won’t go into all the details, but we were both left traumatised by the experience. So learning to write and school were too closely connected in his head for him to find it enjoyable. Secondly, fear of embarrassment. I would say things like “Hey, it doesn’t matter about spelling for now, just get something down on the page” and “Don’t worry, your handwriting will get better with practice”. But I was talking to a perfectionist without realising it. I was talking to a little boy who needed to appear like an adult in order to feel safe, getting it wrong wasn’t an option. So me telling him to just chill out and wing it, wasn’t helpful advice. And thirdly, writing is tiring! As adults, I think that sometimes we forget how exhausting it is to learn a new skill, and how hard it is to be crap at something until you master it. I was reminded of this, quite painfully, last year when I was learning to drive. And just add to that the physical tiredness of exercising underused muscles in your hands. And with left handed kids, like my 10yr, they have extra obstacles to overcome. So here’s a list of things we’ve had fun with, and a couple we are yet to try, to overcome the reluctant writer hurdle.

Words that are drawn to look like their meaning

http://ordangillespi.wordpress.com/2014/01/

I’m sure there must be a word to describe what I’m talking about, but google searches have been fruitless. Please comment if you know what is, because it’s driving me mad! Anyway, this is especially great to do if you have an arty child.

Spelling sheets

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwivktjX4fDlAhXBLlAKHWgDDwcQjB16BAgBEAM&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.twinkl.co.uk%2Fresource%2Flook-cover-write-check-template-t-c-7684&psig=AOvVaw2Rwuf5bO_OISA8eS6dZ-HB&ust=1574063344996784

“Urgh! How boring and ‘schooly’!” I hear you cry. I found doubling down on just spelling, and not expecting sentence structure or original thought, helped my little perfectionist. He could see how it was spelt, copy it, and then test himself. Which also helped with the embarrassment of getting it ‘wrong’. There is also very little writing on these sheets, with a clear ending to the task. So he could complete one a day, without any pressure to write for hours, and was also learning to spell the words he struggled with.

Silly sentences made out of random words in books

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwiLzpOikvPlAhURuqQKHTanC78QMwhQKAEwAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.123rf.com%2Fphoto_28299190_pencil-circle-highlight-on-success-word-on-text-book.html&psig=AOvVaw1hX8atK9aapmnX3pOhPa5k&ust=1574145278447617&ictx=3&uact=3

This gave us a good laugh one afternoon. So the idea is, you get a book, any book, open it on to a random page, and write down the first or last word on the page. For example, you end up with a sentence like this- In Non-verbal Staff Ensure Clearly Positions Working. Ok, this is not exactly a crazy magical sentence. But that’s what you get if you choose a level 2 NVQ business administration textbook to play with. Maybe pick something a little lighter! I’ve found the trick to starting off any ‘educational’ game, is YOU HAVE TO GO FIRST. You might even need to go second, too. You might have to let them them find the words and then you do the writing the first couple of times. If you don’t show them that it’s fun, this is what you get from a reluctant writer- “Come on, grab a pen, we’re going to play a writing game. Here’s the rules, now you do it. No, you have to do the writing. It’ll be fun. I promise. Wait…where are you going?” So yeah, get involved.

Calligraphy

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwj1veqdlfPlAhUoNOwKHcKeCsMQMwjbASg3MDc&url=https%3A%2F%2Fmoderncalligraphy101.com%2F&psig=AOvVaw2-X13yjhjuAjvjysQB0kIi&ust=1574146074441239&ictx=3&uact=3

Another one for older kids who are drawn to the art side. This is one we’re yet to try, but it looks fun. I’m hoping to get round to this at some point.

Copying pages out of favourite books

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjIofuymfPlAhXCjqQKHeubBCMQMwhYKAIwAg&url=https%3A%2F%2Fzenkimchi.com%2Fcommentary%2Fa-culture-of-copying%2F&psig=AOvVaw1_19YkA_hr-E1ymhP3URj_&ust=1574147192526926&ictx=3&uact=3

I know, this is another thing that sounds like pointless busy work, but hear me out. A lot like the spelling sheets, this task has a definite end. No risk of parents trying to ‘encourage’ them to write more, or better, when they’ve got to the end of the page. Have your child choose the book and the page, to help give them some control over what they’re doing and possibly alleviate some anxiety. During the process of copying what they see in the book, the muscles in their hands and arms will get stronger, their writing stamina will improve, and hopefully some technical skills, like sentence structure and punctuation might sink in. Fingers crossed. I really feel that we should try to get over this fear of ‘copying’ too. Maybe that’s another school hang up? As babies, we learn almost everything by imitating those around us. Only then, after copying and practice, do we use use those skills to find our own voice and decide how to interact with the world. Like sticking cereal up our noses, or shouting “Fuck!” at bus drivers. As long as we don’t try to pass off other people’s hard work as our own, I see no problem with copying.

So that’s my list for now. If anyone reading this has their own ideas on how to encourage reluctant writers, i would love to hear them!

Autumn Colours and Cake

I’m going to be testing out some self-care advice from this list over a few posts. Is mindfulness even possible when you have a hive of children buzzing around you every day? And can I get them involved, without being a dictator? Will I really catch more flies using honey instead of vinegar? I’m not convinced, but (*puts on beekeepers suit*) we’re doing this. And I promise not to use any more bee analogies.

When you read self-care articles, they’re almost always banging on about getting yourself active outside. Fresh air, greenery, calmness, bird song- a perfect recipe to get you feeling a bit more zen. However, outside time with kids usually involves pulling them out of the way of traffic, moaning about a lack of sweets, or, even worse, Pokemon Go.

But I’m a tenacious sort, I’m not going to let this get in the way of my latest attempt to get mentally healthy and realign my self-worth. Tally-ho.

My first strategy for getting outside, other than to sit on a cold play park bench, was to ignore the kids and go do some work in my garden. Lazy work, nothing too strenuous. The weeds in my garden are getting out of hand. The summer was hot and had brought a huge wave of wasp bastards with it. My fear of being stung was far greater than my need for an immaculate garden. But hey, it was October, they were all dead. So I was good to go.

I made a half-arsed announcement to house “I’m going to weed the garden, anyone want to come out?”, just so I felt like I was including the kids in this decision. 3yr did, and spent his time riding the broom like a horse. 10yr didn’t answer and continued with what he was doing, which was getting beaten up on Fortnight.

So that’s how we spent the next few hours. I weeded, 3yr stabbed at the ground with a hoe. We found a woodlouse and talked about a spider web. The batman toys were pulled out of the garage and he immersed himself in that world on the driveway, while I pottered quietly. The whole thing felt slightly educational too, so that’s a home ed win, in my book. I’ve been lucky enough to inherit a lovely mature garden when we bought this house, it’s always throwing up new surprises. And the colours are beautiful this time of year, best enjoy them while I can.

The second strategy for that week was to take advantage of the few hours 3yr is in nursery and join the walking group ran by our local healthy living team. The idea is to meet in a cafe, walk around the woods for an hour, and then finish at the cafe for cake and whatnot. The only hurdle would be- will I be able to get the home educated ten year old up and out the door for 9:30 am? Not if he thinks it’s just for a soggy walk around the woods with a bunch of boring grown-ups, that’s for damn sure. So I used the fact that I needed to buy him a new coat, and the possibility of cake, to sweeten the deal.

All was going to plan. We were out on time, 10yr had begrudgingly agreed to the walk (but “only to keep me company”), and we’d picked up the finest, warmest, coat Tesco had to offer. So now all we had to do was find the cafe they were meeting in, which turned out to be frigging impossible. I checked the facebook post twice, tried and failed to follow google maps, scoured the shop fronts for a sign, and ultimately walked in a circle for twenty minutes.

“Screw this, love. we’ll go to the woods on our own.”

And we had a brilliant time! It rained only a bit and then the sun came out. We had to navigate our way through waterlogged paths and met a whole heap of dogs. We found waterfalls and lost our way, a lot! The best part was chatting and laughing with my big guy. It was nice having time just the two of us, we now have a few inside jokes that got more bizarre the more tired and wet we got. Like being in mourning for a duck named Gary. Don’t ask. We both felt better for our little adventure in woods, and we agreed it was much better than it probably would’ve been with the walking group. Because we’re antisocial AF. Another successful outside time.

I definitely feel a lot freer and happier after being out in nature, so I think I’ll try and do it a regularly as possible. It probably sounds terribly selfish, but I think this will only work if I find something I genuinely want to do (standing outside watching them ride bikes in a circle for an hour is not my idea of a good time. Yes, I’ve done that before.), and then either just drag the kids along or tailor it slightly to sound more appealing to them. Like bribing them with cake. Yeah, autumn colours and cake is most likely the path of least resistance. And it also sounds like it could be the name of my first album…

Introducing…me

So this is me in the blog world. Firstly, thanks for stopping by. There are pages and pages of rubbish out there, so that you’re here reading my rubbish means a lot.

I’ve been home educating for almost five years now. It was never meant to be that long, it just happened. I have four children; a three year old, a ten year old, a fourteen year old, and an eighteen year old who is now off at university.

We have, for the most part, had a wonderful time and met some great friends. But it’s not all been peaches and cream. So I guess this blog is about the real stuff, the hard days. The “This bloody child won’t write!” and “I’m sure I used to be a person…” days. And, more importantly, how to get through those days.

I might also throw in some educational brainwaves I’ve had, just for shits and giggles.