So we’re on a biannual school threatening at the moment, and have been for the last four years. I’ll start by saying that I love the freedom and lifestyle of home ed. I love that the kids are generally relaxed and have some autonomy over their own learning and lives. And, deep down, I know my 10yr old is not made for school (or, more accurately, school isn’t made for him).

But this shit is HARD. It’s hard being solely responsible for their education. I’m constantly researching workshops and resources, only to end up battling to get the kids on board with them. And whereas their successes feel amazing, the buck ultimately stops with me. So if the they get stuck, if they stumble, I feel it deeply. Like I’ve failed them. It sometimes feels like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster- the kids are the cart, sweeping me around in all bloody directions, and home ed is the restraining harness that wont let me get off!

If that wasn’t enough, I’m also their conduit to the outside world. For five years, their social life has been filtered through me. Them having friends has been reliant on me organising playdates (urgh, hate that word!) and social clubs. All this is usually taken care of by school. My daughter (who went all the way through school, bar one year) just had to turn up to school and friendships just happened. I had to do bot all.

I can deal with all this, I ENJOY most of this. Sitting in parks with friends and thinking up projects, love it. But the undercurrent running throughtout it all, is that it’s been almost impossible to find the head space to just be me. I know this isnt a new complaint. Most parents, whether their kids are in school or not, have felt this at one time or another. With home ed, time spent with the kids is greater and more concentrated, which can just magnify this feeling.

But hey, it’s not all bad news. Like I said, I plan to put the kids back in school about twice a year- we have school applications in as we speak- but we always manage to pull it back. Here’s some strategies you might want to use if you’re not ready to give up on home ed just yet.

• Get a couple of hours child free time

Easier said than done, right? If you’re burnt out, treat it as a matter of urgency. You’re resourceful, you can do it! Pay a childminder, if you have the money. Do a childcare swap with a friend who also desperately needs a break. Trust me- they are out there! If you have family around, ask or bribe them into helping you. Book the kids onto a drop club/workshop/forest school. Again, if money is an issue, look out of cheap/free community groups or youth clubs. If all that fails, get up at 5am. Not everyday, that would be crazy. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and a quiet house on a morning can be quite rejuvenating…or so I’ve heard.

• Drop Everything!

Ok, drop as much as you can. Don’t lose your job or anything. If you’re totally drowning in home ed groups, workbooks, and/or housework, just stop. For at least a week. Buy ready meals and frozen veg to cut down on cooking. Apologise and just don’t turn up to all those things that are hard work, far away, or non urgent. If I had a pound for the amount of times I’ve had to drag the kids out in the cold, to go on three buses to workshop, and then had to aimlessly follow a toddler around the the building for two hours, I’d have enough money to buy… that dragon scarf I’ve had my eye on. Don’t ask. Instead, gather a friend or two and sit in a park. Go for an unhurried walk around a forest or beach or whatever’s closest to you. Pack biscuits. Let the kids get mucky. When you’re struggling, getting outside can feel like a pointless mountain to climb, but everyone almost always feels better after some fresh air. If the thought of letting all the mess build up over a week scares the crap out of you, then why not try 10 minute tidy ups? Set a timer and challenge yourself and the kids to tidy up as fast as you can in ten minutes. If you meet resistance, try biscuit/playstation bribery. I find it helps if you give everyone a job or area before you start the timer. Otherwise, you just get everyone moping around going “But I don’t know what to do!”. Because kids have mess blindness, apparently.

• Talk to home ed positive people

Most of us have a particular person in our lives that think our kids should be in school. That they’ll never be able to deal with real life if they’re not belittled on a daily basis. Eye roll. Yeah, might be best to give that person a wide berth while you try to get your home ed mojo back. Instead, find that parent who is well down the rabbit hole. The one who is on a home education “journey”. The one who’s family is living their best life as facilitators of autonomous worldschoolers. Find them and let their enthusiasm infect you, until you blister with new hope and direction. Sounds painful? It probably will be. But this is all for the greater good.

• Do something that progresses you as person

Even if it’s just an hour a week. How do you get a free hour in the week? Well that’s what Despicable Me 3 was made for, as far as I’m concerned. And don’t worry, if the kids watch one film a week (or even one a day, shock horror!) while you ignore them, they won’t die. I’ve tested this theory on many occasions. Most of us have that one thing we used to enjoy doing, or would like to learn. So just spend that time painting, or coding, or writing a blog (ahem), or perfecting your cartwheels. Whatever works for you. Just try and resist the temptation to stare at your phone during this time. You’ll regret it. More than you regret buying Despicable Me 3.

• Put the application in

I know not everyone is known to the LEA, and most would like to keep it that way. But if you’re already on their radar, it might not hurt to research some local schools and send off an application. They take at least a month to process- we’re on month three waiting for an in year application. Nothing is set in stone. If you get a place (and that’s a big “if”), you can decline it. In my experience, going through the process and making it “real”, is enough to give my head a shake. Saying that, if you have had less than favourable dealings with the LEA, or social services, or have had an EHCP in place, then please ignore this advice. I wouldn’t want to possibly make things more difficult for people who are already trying to navigate an unforgiving system!

But you know what? Having said all this, the majority of children would be ok in school. If you’ve tried everything and still think it would be better for your family to send them to school, then do it. If it’s just something you need to do, please don’t feel guilty. Home educators have to find their own support, their own network. Speaking from experience, you don’t get any help after deregistering your child from school. Not even a list of contacts. Like I said, this shit is hard. And it can feel impossible for some people. Nothing has to be forever. Not school and definitely not home education. Just take it as it comes and be kind to yourself.